Hope through the pain

Following on from my previous blog ‘The Cure for Everything“, I wanted to further describe the pain people suffer without Jesus. Whilst I could have written a long blog post about it, I decided to write a short story designed to showcase the disastrous effects of life without Jesus and the hope and joy which He can bring. I have decided to focus on the themes of alcoholism and domestic violence, as it is vastly prevalent in todays society and both work hand in hand to cause trouble in society. I hope you enjoy it.

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Caged song bird

 

I blinked once, “Ouch!” I blinked twice, “Ouch!” The searing pain of every blink sent messages of awakening into my brain, amplified by the piercing rays of the morning sunlight. I closed my eyes one last time in an attempt to escape the nightmares that haunted my days. Then, unable to avoid the reality of the responsibility awaiting me at work, I fully opened my eyes allowing the rays of sun to penetrate my sleep, whilst a flood of eucalyptus scents infiltrated my senses. I could feel the searing pain flowing through each muscle fibre as I attempted to get up. My energy was diminished, and I felt I was in the same tired state as I had been before bed. I looked out my cage of anguish and murmured, ”Another day.”

 

As I walked over the small shards of glass scattered across the carpet, the pain my feet experienced was only a reflection of the pain felt all over my body. Bruised ribs made every breath seem painful and the only way to stop the pain was not to breathe at all.   

 

I walked into the bathroom and washed my face with water to ease the pain. I saw smudges of red and black on the mirror and tried to wipe them away. I then realised they did not belong to the mirror. With makeup and products found under the bathroom sink I covered my pain and hurt. Even a fake smile was not able to erase the memories and suffering I had experienced the night before. With the remaining energy I had left, I dragged myself to the kitchen reaching for a banana, biscuit and a coffee before heading off to work.

 

In the comfort of my desk chair I was able to finally relax and commence my work of taking calls and booking apartments. The occasional person checking in with swim wear too tight for their size always brought a smile to my face, lightening my mood. With every passing person asking how my days was my words autonomously slipped out from my mouth,”I am fine, and yourself?” They would talk about all the fun they have had with their families at the beach, which left me with no words to relate. I was a bird that had forgotten how to sing.

 

Whilst the steam from my coffee rose to my face, I saw something glistening out of the corner of my eye, like a deposit of gold hiding in a mine. I peeled back my work calendar to find a lost treasure. An old photograph. This treasure sparkled in my hands. My eyes focused on the picture that had been taken. It was of my husband and I just after we were married. We stood together under the golden sun by our first house along The Sunshine Coast. The golden rays of sun glistened across the water illuminating us at its centre, holding each other in inseparable bonds. I remembered what he had said to me on that day.

“Hun, you really mean the world to me. You are my world. You have made this Aussie blokes life complete.”

I replied whilst holding his nervous hands,”John, my love, I can’t wait to start this journey with you. Whatever life throws our way, I will always love you.”

I missed that man. From that day on he seemed to be missing, never to be found again. I wished I could have felt that same love we shared one more time. I wished that man were here, holding me in his arms, protecting and loving me.

 

Then he found another love. One that was deceitful. One that turned a sane mind into one that harboured chaos, violence and destruction. That one had become the new love of his life, knocking anything down that stood in its path. Even breathing became a punishable crime. His new love put me in cage of rejection, suffering and sorrow. I longed to be free like the birds of the air. Flying from flower to flower basking in the beauty of nature. This bird, however, had no future, hope or freedom.  

 

The closure of my car door signified the end of another day at work. The ignition of the engine was delayed by my engrossed fixation on the lost picture. Why did I have to stay in this cage of pain when I could just leave. The places I could go where endless. I could explore the seven wonders of the world, one of which was right on my doorstep. All of this was one step away. The key was right in front of my cage. Then I looked back at my picture. The love for the man in the picture bound my hands from reaching the key. The light of a bright future for us was small and seemed to be diminishing. If there was only a way to set a spark in the heart of my husband that would set fire to the store houses of his addiction. A fire that would be able to melt away the bars of my cage of suffering, sorrow and self pity. A fire that could again spark my love and passion for living, allowing me to sing again. I wish I could be the one to set the spark. I wish I could tell him how much I love him. My only response, however, was to cry. I needed someone to help me, someone who could set me free.

 

The car rumbled to a stop and the silence of the engine silenced my heart to a still slow beat, as my body prepared itself to what lay ahead. With every movement as I drew near to the door of my house, gravity seemed to pull harder. This gravitational pull become so unbearable that I fell to my knees in front of the door. The silos of emotion stored deep within my soul could no longer be contained. Water tipped out of my eyes collecting into tears. Each tear that fell resembled each moment of pain and of sadness. I no longer had the strength to hold back. The sudden creek of the door handle sent shivers down each nerve cell in my body. There in the door stood both my greatest fear and greatest love. This time with a book in hand. I closed my eyes ready for the pain to again surge through my body. Although, the only thing I felt was the soft touch of a hand on my shoulder followed by the quiet words which stilled my rapid beating heart, ”My love, today everything changes.”  

Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it.

Matthew 10:39

Written by Shane Hair.

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